Arthur
[Apr-22-2004]: I am developing an interest in bellydancing. Not just for the exercise, but more for the bedroom gymnastic potential.
[Apr-21-2004]: It's true - God is found in the little things that we do every day. I used to think that one had to look to miracles for divine inspiration, but one merely has to look in one's backyard:
∞[Apr-20-2004]: I wanted to give you all an update on my hobby pursuits. Call me "Crazy Arthur Cormack" if you will, but I find nothing gets the blood pumping like a good thwarting of a caper. And how better to enjoy the adrenalin of a good takedown than to share it with your chums? Here's a picture of me and my trusty friend, Bucky Reginald Vas Deferens, as we don our gear and stop evil in the steamy caverns of Bath. You can tell which one I am - Bucky requires a codpiece for this type of action.
Arthur.
∞[Apr-20-2004]: This just proves∞ how great the writing and acting is in ST. I mean, it's so real it's scary - I am in awe.
A.
JS: That was the best (and pivitol) line in the movie. I still dream about it. (Hey...my dad went to school with him at McGill. He said he was a jerk.)
[Apr-19-2004]: Let me just tell you, I have tried trepanation - three times - and I think it's not for me. My therapist is attempting to get me to give it a final fourth try, but I am not sure that I have enough cranial real estate, if you get me.
[April-19-2004]: Oh my! Last night I went to see this Japanese rockband and boy did they rock! There was fireworks and lasers and during the final song the band threw yoghurt all over the crowd. It was awesome! Check out the clip from the final song In Nagasaki!∞
[Apr-18-2004]: I'll see you all∞ in June!
[Apr-18-2004]: Whilst pursuing my botanical bent, I seem to have developed a strange attraction to the pink stinkhorn∞. Jessica thinks I should see someone about this. I'm not sure exactly who, though.
Arthur
[Apr-17-2004]: Cormack to Riker∞....stop walking around with those ping pong balls in your armpits you turd. Meet me in Hollowdeck 2 and I'll kick your hairy arse...
[Apr-15-2004]: Well, it seems that perhaps Christianity might be the best choice for me after all. And with this∞, I can read up on it at any time, without being noticed in public. Except for the whole needing a giant magnifying glass part.
A.
[Apr-13-2004]: Abstinence has been part of my mantra since I embarked on my search for wisdom and truth. But I must say, after a trip to IKEA, I am having a hard time of it all. Does this still mean I'll be celibate?∞
[Apr-12-2004]: It's been quite some time since I posted. I have been considering a job teaching young people in Leeds - I figure that teaching high school, especially in England, should be a fairly good use of my time. However, one of the instructors at the high school has reminded me of the perils of standing in front of young students....
∞Perhaps I'll look into auto mechanics. Something where I can don a jumpsuit.
[Apr-6-2004]: My mother taught me to be proud of who I am. She also taught me to live without fear. I have been workign on these aspects of my life, and let me tell you that I am taking baby steps by posting things here publicly on this web page. If I get a chance, my next steps will be to tell you all some of what makes me, well, Arthur Cormack, in person. Face to face. But for now....∞ I will simply keep posting about my interests.
[Apr-5-2004]: I have a plan. A great plan, that involves......a tunnel∞. All I need know is around 10 million pounds, an elephant, and 300 Bounce sheets∞.
Corporal Cormack
[Apr-4-2004]: I'm wondering if these guys∞ need a tin whistle playa? Thinking of submitting my demo reel.
[Apr-3-2004]: I think that it's time for a change concerning my domain name∞. I'm not getting much response to my web site. So I'm considering∞ a new direction.
[Mar-30-2004]: When I am done here, I may move to the United States, because there....Jesus grows on trees∞. Not that a semi-Jewish guy like me cares much, but the pie you coould make would be heavenly.
Ba dum.
[Mar-30-2004]: I miss you all. So much, in fact, that I have booked some time in a special sensory apparatus∞, which I hope will allow me to experience a new level of awareness. And I bet the phone sex is fuckin' spectacular. Call me on Friday! +01 035 836 839 62 4
Cormack the Carpathian
[Mar-30-2004]: I have found a new interest in postmodernism, particularly areas having to do with theories of existence and their ties to the scientific. I like to spend time considering the God/Man dilemna, and have been researching things that provide me with insight on the internet. I am not sure what to make of this∞, but my instinct tells me that there will be an important payoff if I wait long enough.
A.
[Mar-28-2004]: Well, in search of my own enlightenment, I have become inspired by my friend, Tapawsiary∞. I am planning a similar event in Hyde Park, over the coming few days. All that's left to be determined is where we'll terminate the catheter∞. The Brits are still sore about the whole David Blaine∞ thing. Roger! See you on the other side!
[Mar-27-2004]: I have discovered a winning∞ approach for companionship while away. I suggest you all try it - so far I've had wild success!
winning
∞[Mar-26-2004]: Home, soon I hope. I have been moved to a different office, where I work with another person developing code for the insurance industry here in Britain. I am a little concerned about our QA process, however, as it's taking much longer than expected to actually move from production to final release candidate. It may have to do with my code, but I suspect the delays might originate with our QA manager, Alphonse, who elicits a rather intense attention to detail:
∞[Mar-25-2004]: I always wondered who my REAL mother was. Apparently it's someone named Igraine∞, and she likes to lay by strange lakes with shiny knights. This, I feel, is an appropriate way to be created. I just wonder about all that aluminum and what it may have done to me....and al this talk about my death! I AM ALIVE! Have none of you noticed?!?!?!
[Mar-25-2004]: I demand to know if any of you knew about this! I am outraged that someone would base a cartoon character on me.....and not even include a pair of flying boots, at least. Or a golden lariat!
∞[Mar-23-2004]: I have a secret. But I feel great because finally, thanks to this glorious thing I like to call...."INTERNET"....I can finally speak out about my trials and tribulations∞. I used to hide, but no longer. I used to feel alone in the world, but NO LONGER. Now you all know why I shimmy slightly from side to side when extremely happy. I strongly urge any of you who also are blessed with evolutionary proof, to come forward and join.....er, hands. We are to be celebrated.
[Mar-22-2004]: Goodbye, friends!∞
[Mar-21-2004]: I need some advice from any of you willing to offer. There is a short film I'm thinking of auditioning for while in London. Apparently a couple of Germans have been given the task of casting for the upcoming third Spiderman movie, "Spiderman 3: Kiss of the Spiderman". I'm not sure if I should waste my time going for the role, and frankly it's not the nudity I am having trouble with, it's the chafing. I have told Gunter that he is awfully aggressive with the web restraints, but it's times like that when his English suddenly seems to fail. What do you all think? Considering this is my competition, I feel confident of at least a call-back.
∞[Mar-21-2004]: Quick update: I made some money on the side this Feb 14th - just needed some time to develop the "snaps", as they say here in London. I used my UT skillz to really rack up the kills, here!
∞[Mar-18-2004]: I wanted everyone to know that I am doing fine. The job is really becoming an exciting one, and I really will become quite sad when it's done. The people here are really super cool, and I have found many new friends that I really seem to have things in common with. Reggie "buck" Shropshire, the one on the right, is my coffee buddy. He can drink an entire can of Jolt in under 4 minutes! And you should check his skillz on the firing range....he tends to have some trouble with any gauge over .22, but he's a mean mofo with a potato gun! I worry about what will happen to everyone when I leave - Reg tends to cling to people rather fervently! I'll be seeing you all in a few weeks, when my sojourn ends and I return to the glory of the Canadian spring. That is, if I can manage to remove these fun toy manacles Reggie has given me as a present, hehe! What a card!
∞[Mar-14-2004]: It's true - I should
∞ eat more salsa.[Mar-13-2004]: I am assuming that you all have been wondering about me. Hopefully you have not been losing sleep or wages over the fact that I had promised to return one afternoon, only to reappear a few days later. I feel that I can finally let the information out to my friends regarding my experiments with time travel. It is not as if I set forth seeking to discover the intricacies of looping back on time! It was more of an accident; the kind where one finds onself in a back room of a rather loathsome pub on Bleeker, detailing my ambidextrousness to one Krystal in the form of a tribal Cormack dance, when I bumped into a Goldberg machine. Much like my own personal saviour, Jeff Goldblum, I was not entirely sure what to do, but I suddenly found myself aboard a sleek vessel, heading into some nasty weather near the Cape. The captain immediately intoduced himself with the tip of his blade, and ehile I am not foreign to the desperation of a tour of duty with the fellows, I did put up quite an annoyed look. Piri Reis∞ was the man's name, and he was quite adamant that I had stowed upon his craft, and that it would somehow jeopardize his attempts to map the globe. I chanced upon his current work, which was clearly created whilst under the influence of a good bit of sherry, and told him that he was full of bollocks - one could not sail clear through to England by heading Southwards; hello? Antarctica, anyone? He did not take kindly to my mocking tone, but did recognize that by listening to me, he would save a long difficult journey, and we could retreat to the continent for some opium. It was only then that I realized my faux in not coming back to the wiki to relate my journeys to you all. So I buggered off.
[Mar-13-2004]: This ∞ is a kind of religion I may take a liking to. Not only do they firmly suggest that God is in fact an alien, but Satan hangs out in boardrooms. Considering the experiences I have had since landing in this Fish & Chips burg, I shall have to agree.
[Mar-12-2004]: Mr. Brunt mentioned that he wanted to see me in a tie. It is indeed true - I am required to dress up each day in order to perform my duties. But as you all know, I will do things ON MY OWN TERMS∞. And this will help me stay one step ahead of the CABAL∞ - my covert ops necktie:
∞[Mar-12-2004]: I offer to you my location in London. Please note that I give you this location with extreme paranoia∞, knowing that they∞ will discover me. And yet, knowing that they∞ already have intel as to my position, I inform you that I clearly am NOT at this location for more than 7 minutes∞ per day. And so, this is a map of the place that I am purportedly lodging in, at some undisclosed time of day, and even then not really really.
∞[Mar-12-2004]: I have left you all a secretly encoded message here∞. Please make sure you use the Polybius/Jefferson's Wheel cipher when attempting to decode the message. In it, I detail exactly how I have had my attempts to communicate stifled, trifled, and, um, pfliffled.
[Mar-11-2004]:
∞
∞Elementary! It's true that I have been lodged near the mildly famous 221b Baker St.∞, but even more bizarre is the secret connection I have discovered between Sir A. Conan Doyle, creator of Sherlock Holmes, and legendary "performance artist" John Holmes∞. I must admit that even one as open to alternative relationships as I have been a little startled by the saucy tales I have been whispered over cigars and cognac in the drawing room. I half expect there to be some mention of merging of sacred energies of the Protoss∞ for heaven's sake! But even as I type this to you, I suspect that representatives of the MI5 and the King Charles CABAL shall dissuade me from illuminating this sordid event any further. I have managed to establish quite a secure connection here [ILLUMINATI] the hotel, while [ILLUMINATI] British Telecom have seen fit [ILLUMINATI] Antwerp [ILLUMINATI]!!! And Holmes, he of the trouser-snake, managed [ILLUMINATI] vituperously. Can you believe that [ILLUMINATI] realistically and physically impossible! Yet here was evidence [ILLUMINATI] and a massive canker sore at that [ILLUMINATI] continue my hunt while [ILLUMINATI] Baker St.∞ [ILLUMINATI] extremely sore [ILLUMINATI]
Cheers,
Ar[[http://www-swiss.ai.mit.edu/~boogles/Illuminati/Illuminati∞ [ILLUMINATI]]]ur
∞[Mar-10-2004]: So what constitutes "this afternoon", Arthur? Hehehohohaha
[Mar-10-2004]: "Greetings and salutations one and all..."? Oh yeah, that's definitely Arthur. ;-)
YAY! Arthur is really here! I think. Maybe I don't believe you.
[Mar-10-2004]: Greetings and salutations one and all from 82 Baker St. In London. I have been bad and have neglected this. I vow to, from this moment on , participate.
omfg is this ever hilarious.
I'll be back later on this aft.
Cheers,
Arthur
Cormack
Whaddup my doggies?!
I am in London. Well, everyone thinks I am in London. In fact, I have joined in fact joined the Monte Carlo secret police. We will be investigating thong usage, and the potential to really screw up the Le Mans. Important work. When I come back, I will show you my tan lines.
[Mar-9-2004]: Very interesting. I was wondering when perhaps a detailed visualization of brain process might emerge as a science. It seems that there have been some major breakthroughs, thus I subjected myself to a battery of tests to determine what is actually going on in my head. The researchers were quite remarkable, and were able to translate my "attention span" data into visual form - it's quite stunning: detailed image∞.
[Mar-8-2004]: I have managed a short contract at the venerable "Star Trek on Ice". Wish me well.
∞[Mar-6-2004]: Simpatico! I met a woman in Leeds who shares my theories surrounding one Olive Oyl, namely "significant other" of none other than Popeye himself, the famed and abusive vegan sailor. This Leedsian woman has dedicated her life to uncovering the popish plot that has seemingly pushed Ms. Oyl to the edges of our collective memory, and I, for one, should like to see her restored to a place more indicative of her accomplishments. Olive and I not only were members of the underground movement, but she had a significant hand in the development of html version 1.07 (gamma), and she is single-handedly responsible for the <pre> tag. If there were a comic character/web guru hall of fame, she might not make it on the first ballot, but I would be honoured to stand beside her in the chamber. It is dedicated and exhaustive work like this that makes me think that something will come of this "Internet" phenomenon.
Lovingly,
A.
∞[Mar-5-2004]:
∞My search for enlightenment continues. Recently I have been spending long weekends with the Order of Oriental Templars∞. I unfortunately made a fairly primal mistake, in that during a deboning ritual, I made light of an old foe, Aleister Crowley∞, whom I had met two lives previously while performing the role of Connipitius in the 1902 version of "Carmen Saeculare". Crowley and I did not see eye to eye on a number of issues, in particular his use of the vernacular in his work titled "The Scented Garden of Abdullah the Satirist of Shiraz" (Bagh-i-muattar). It was news to me that Crowley has somehow become the patron saint of the Templars, and despite my attempts to overcome my faux via januty bons mots and tequila, they did not see a way of including me in the Order, to which I shall be forever filled with sadness. He always was a bit of a turd, too.
"In the beginning doth the Magus speak Truth, and send forth Illusion and Falsehood to enslave the soul. Yet therein is the Mystery of Redemption."
It really is a stupid little religion. And I hardly have the attention span for something like this. Maybe some kind of Gnostic/United combination might be more my speed.
∞Well, imagine my surprise when I went on a little journey to the Kentish countryside, and stumbled upon a fellow group of male nipple piercing fetishists! Hard to believe what a small world this is, as the fellow on the right of the picture played in a feminist punk band with my cousin, Nardle, while tree-planting in the African Savannah. His sister/brother, on the left, was happy to feed us on qwghlmian rock soup with sour mash strudel. I can only hope to reach this distance with my own piercings, and have recently graduated to 1 lb. mini-hammers.
∞Friends,
I have happened upon something that I can only describe here as strange: whilst flagpole sitting in Hyde Park, I noticed a middle-aged woman with a brass finger. She walked with a jaunty gait, but seemed to move in concentric circles, gradually working her way outward towards the rose beds in the north western portion of the "tiny dell". This has nothing to do with my discovery, but in and of itself I would consider it to be slightly obtuse. The fellow who repeatedly attempted to dislodge me from my vantage point, however, finally moved on, but not before accidentally dropping a photo from his day timer. I eventually removed myself from my position, and reproduce the photo for you here. This is none other than Reginald Bucky Frithfallow, third-gunner of His Majesty's Frolicking Fusiliers in the preamble to the skirmish that may have become Britain's early fierce discussions about what to do with this "Hitler chap". I had a cousin whose aunt provided lead to the Canadian version of this regiment, the Screaming Voles of Churchill, MB. I still cannot believe the irony, or how tiny the world seems in this modern era.
Tally ho!
∞Dear Diary,
Amidst all the furor surrounding the Catholic Church in America, in England it's actually a much more accessible religion. Despite my own background, I am starting a journey of enlightenment, in which I hope to explore some of the world's religions, and see if I can somehow learn a little about myself while I'm at it. I hope you enjoy my insight. One thing I do know - I seem to like firearms more than the average bloke! At least I *think* it's the rifles.....uh oh.
∞Well, today I went to my new job. I know I haven't told you all much about it, but really the excitement was rather daunting. Anyway, I picked up my uniform and took to the field, only to find out that Queen Elizabeth apparently has a stun ray in one of her furry hats. I wasn't prepared for that kind of action! I know the British are known for their sallow chins, but really I don't think this is the line of work for me. Maybe a nice chip wagon or something until I can get my feet wet. Well, I'll talk to you all soon! Cheerio!
Cormie
∞Hey dudes, I have uploaded a picture of myself just to prove that I am in London.
Love, Arthur.
∞Clearly, Arthur is a venerable Norking Russet∞.
∞Ok...what if Arthur were a potato∞. How would you see him?
I am indeed, the newest Arthur Cormack. Gone is the doe-eyed monster of yore. I have been replaced with a model based on the Sharper Image? ∞ "Human Touch". But don't assume that the moniker implies *any* kind of emotional ineptitude; I am a lean, mean mofo. I shall leave you now to don my naugahyde vestments and go under cover. I look forward to your ass cheeks.
Sweet Jesus, the cream cheese! Every time I see its lucious curve and girlish flick of it's lid, I get a small incision in my bladder.